"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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