I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
