Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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