it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
