found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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