I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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