How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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