I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
