it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
