there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
