pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
