I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
