Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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