It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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