I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
