Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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