I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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