I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
me + whiskey = a bad person
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize