But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
