hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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