Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
