Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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