I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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