My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize