But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
