I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
