I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
