just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
