u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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