god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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