I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i've created a new STD.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
