my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
