so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
