It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
