is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
