Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize