My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
