I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize