I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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