you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
