How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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