i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
