Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
