What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
