we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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