soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
