I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
