Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
