Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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