My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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