I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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