Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
