Plan B is the new Plan A
i would punch a child for taco bell
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
