yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
