It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
