nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
