oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
