Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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