Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
