Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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