I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
