Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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