im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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