I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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