I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
