peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
