Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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