Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
