I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
