last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize