the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
