look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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