I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
