had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
