I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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