Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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