If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
