He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
