Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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