Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
