cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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