Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
