My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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