It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
