I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
