The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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