I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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