Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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