he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
